halfway between dreaming and waking

yes, as the title implies, I am back.

Barcelona was amazing, so beautiful, the architecture, the harbor, the little medieval streets, the cafes, the bars, the clubs… me and susi hit the Barcelona streets with a guide book and an open mind and ended up doing quite a lot in the space of 3.5 days really… here is a summary of each day.

Monday 9th July

We arrive in the evening around 8 pm and finally find our hostel after walking round in circles in the area, to find that we lost our beds since they app. do not accept my card and I needed to call them. Bullocks. So we are left to organize a last-minute accommodation in a heavily touristed city on a busy season. Not easy. Thanks to susi’s awesome boyfriend, who finds it for us, we get a great room for two in a really nice 3 star hotel (with mini fridge and everything!) for hostel price! niiice…

Tuesday 10th July

The morning consists of stressy msn:ing and phoning to organize a hostel for the next nights. It is solved by some great team work between me, susi and stefan, it is a really cool place two streets from Las Ramblas, the famous street, it was literally close to 80% of the good stuff! I am truly grateful to Stefan though, we couldn’t have done it without him. The room has three levels, a kitchen, bathroom, flat screen tv.. Oh and getting off the Metro at Las Ramblas, we notice that there are loads of ppl packed around a particular bit of the street, taking pics with their phones etc.. oh yes its bloody Woody Allen filming and Scarlett Johansen is right there being filmed! Its a strange old world…
After that tiresome morning, ahem, we decide to leave touristing for the next day and head off to our heaven on earth, the beach. It is lovely, good looking ppl, indecent ppl, tourist ppl, spanish ppl… The water wasn’t warm but it wasn’t too cold either, had some nice wave action (there were loads).
The evening consisted of a stroll around the place, following the guide for tips but ending up in really cool places that we found ourselves. Barcelona, even though a monday, was buzzing and the crowd was as trendy as the places hehe. We decide not to club it after walking for ages to one to then find out it doesn’t open on mondays..

Wednesday 11th July

We wake up to a day full of touristing. We visited a Chocolate Museum, Place de Catalunya, tasty paellas, Barri Gottic and its La Seu (the gothic cathedral) was unfortunately covered in building works, some real spanish paella….quite a productive day if you ask me! The Chocolate Museum was so original, you found out the story of chocolate from its discovery in Southern America to this queen that started the chocolate ‘bon-bon’s’…from all human kind. Thank you. MACBA (cont. art place) which did not look promising on its first floor but turned out really interesting on the others, they don’t hold a permanent collection, its always exhibitions. It’s huge and white as well, 4 floors and each is a myriad of rooms with installations, photography, films in little “cinema rooms”, tv screens..Quite exciting indeed.

The night starts with the usual cool hang outs, but this time we found that a recommended club was actually open! And there was quite a line! We chatted to this drunken Swede, and watched in amusement how he tried to chat up these short Australians that he first insulted by calling Americans…ouch..
Moog was the name, there were 2 floors, not big at all, one playin electro/house/such like while the other played retro stuff, like The Cure! Tres bien! We danced the night away in a drunken delirium..

Thursday 12th July

Another day of touristing, which starts embarrassingly late, shhh, so we accomplish La Sagrada Familia(Gaudi’s masterpiece under construction) that leaves you breathless because it is so unique, so organic and stunning… Les Quatre Gats (the modernista hang out), a truly art-nouveau cafe and after that decide to enjoy a last dip in the sea, the beach it tres important! Walking sitting at a table talking drinking ‘Sex on the bar’ n watching the calm sea and then back down along the harbor with the setting sun and salty skin..really doesn’t get any more holiday heaven than that
We were not going to go out too late so that we can wake up early for touristy things the last day and get those tattoos…. Ahem. We ended up seeing a gig literally across the street from our hostel in a secret club, eating tapas at 1 am and then going back to that club (where hostel guests get in for free btw. VIP us ) and raving it until 4 am in running away from tight white tshirts and pervy shirt guy between the smoking/retro room and the non-smoking trendy music room… good times..

Friday 13 July

Last day ( we pack and head out to squeeze that last Barcelona good time that we can before our flights. We manage see some Gaudi houses, Casa Ballto and La Pedrera, both stunning and I decide I will live in one of them one day. You mark my words.
Then we go and get our tattoos….P A I N. But it’s so pretty that I am prepared to look past that… Susi gets a sun thingy on her hip and it looks hotttt, I got my bloody ankh with wings that I have been nagging friends about for ages. And yes it was bloody, went through my white shirt. Nice. Went round with a bloody shirt for ages. Now that is hottt. :/
After that we grabbed a bite to eat and went to the airport… Game over.

Friday July 13th 22.32

Post-vacation blues.

London + 2 days + Lush = £117. Caching!

Yep, went to help out at the Lush shop on Kings Road and not only do they get £1 more an hour there but we kept hitting targets like no tomorrow, which meant I made loads of money the area is really posh, so we got some ppl right up their own asses but we also got some nice ppl as well, the people that work there, for example, were good ppl, and the strangest thing of all, there was a girl called Lucia! And a girl called Lucy! It got really confusing hehe as one would expect.. Lucy was cool, she loves Smashing Pumpkins! She might even go to Reading 2007, the last day when they are playing at least. The lucky bitch saw them in London the other day! I might even meet up with her. Basically this years Reading seems to be full to the brim with ppl I know from all over the place

I decided to stay the night, they have a flat above the shop, and its big and pretty, with roses painted on the stairs and tainted glass on the toilet door! Weirdly enough, the prettiest part is the stairs bit :S the only way out the place is front of store so I went on the roof of a bit of the store that faces the road to have a smoke in the evening, when I was all by myself with only the TV in the room as company.. it was sureal i tell thee..looking down on the life going on outside on the road, the passing double deckers, looking into ppls windows across the street..didn’t see anything exciting but kept wondering if ppl could see me and wether they thought what is that girl doing on that roof!?

I have to admit the whole ordeal was truly productive, I even got to spk to Pia (ex-manager of Lush crawley) about opportunities within Lush, she gave me some useful tips. Well done me

Emelie is coming to visit! We used to be inseperable for 2 yrs before I came to England, school, after school, holidays, u name it, we spent it. Sure now we are not even close to as close, you might even say we have grown apart, but we have so much history so it is always fun to catch up. Oh and lets not forget my mission. Get Em stupidly intoxicated. Thats right, I’m a bad influence. Innit.

Right, enough ranting, off to bed.

(listening to the beatles)

right, I feel like making lists, lets say 5 or 10 in each category:

Things I look forward to:

1.Barcelona with my dear friend Susi
2.Reading Festival 2007
3.Living in a flat in London nest yr, house parties galore!
4.Moving on. Fully.
5.Getting to do a Eng. Lit. course at uni.

Celebreties I would invite to my own imaginary “fabulous anyone can come” party:

1.Audrey Hepburn
2.Jonny Depp
3.Willy Mason
4.We are scientists (yes, the whole band)
5.Collin Murray
6.Karen O
7.Jack the Pumkin King
8.Zach Brach
9.Einstein
10.Dave Grohl

Things I hate about myself:

1. Lazyness.
2.I can’t tell a good story if my life depended on it. It’s like I spit out the words.
3.My impatience.
4.My dry hair.
5.Lack of spelling excellence.

Things I love about myself:

1.My bloody optimism.
2.My openmindedness.
3.My ability to laugh at myself.
4.My honesty.
5.My loyal nature.

Things I wish I could keep in my pocket for a rainy day:

1.A sunny day at the beach.
2.My first visit to Disney World, Florida.
3.Paris.
4.A kiss from someone I love.
5.A magic wand to make it dissapear

Things I would bring with me to a desserted island:

1.My mp3 player (with an unending battery hehe)
2.Sun lotion (its a tropical island)
3.Booze (to party up island style )
4.A samurai sword (to cut those coconuts etc.)
5.Window cleaning spray (appearently its good for anything)

Right enough for now, it’s getting late and I have to go to London to work in a Lush there for 2 days..wish me luck.. : S

what an expected title for that stupid “I haven’t been writing for ages blog”. whatever.

yes this is inspired by all these creative/imaginative/romantic/emotional/dreamy blog writers I have been hearing about : P I thought I would kick some life in this this old habit of mine…

you see I am bad with habits, I get sick of them, I like change too much, but I’ll give it ago.

some big news: New work at Lush and Virgin Megastores, I am basically riding the musical/smelly wave this summer, try and stop me suckers! damn I need a drink.

don’t know what’s up with me at the moment, and I mean moment as in the last few hours..bah.

so what has been on my mind. well lots future love/careers, relatives, the state of the world, you know the usual jadajada..i guess I get discouraged to write cos there is always a voice in my head telling me stuff like why would ppl want to read your stuff? whats so fucking original and interesting? are you going to say something new and fresh? change some1’s view/ inspire something ? hmmmmm…and usually the answer is ‘no’ and my fingers stop writing. I mean even now this whole “bad confidence” monologue is pretty lame and emo and I don’t even have sympathy for myself, what am I trying to achieve here? damn I need to stop analyzing myself…geeez!

I guess the most simple explanation is that I am desperately tryin to avoid revision/coursework even though the clock is ticking and 2 weeks will be over in a flash! :S why lucy why???? i swear I chose the wrong course, I have no motivation at all, but I am too stubborn to give up, it already ate 1 yr of my life! and I do get 1 yr abroad…ahh look at me bloody “always looking at the bright side of life” even I get sick of it sometimes..

ok Im just gonna blurt some stuff out now be prepared.

It seems like ever sinse I got to know a certain someone I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. I have been in love and happy and I have been depressed, pathetic, and red hot angry and irrational and anxious and any other feeling under the sun. The straining thing is that sometimes it is all within a few days. .
Every now and then I try and take a step back and look at it logically and objectively, even though we all know that is pretty much impossible. I mean one can’t really be expected to be able to step out of oneself and see things clearly. .
Anyways, I have tried to evaluate, whether it is worth it. Is it worth all the sleepless nights, hours of unproductiveness and countless lonely cigarettes? One also needs to define what “it” is, because its constantly changing, like English weather it can change several times within one day. But back to being objective: Why can I not let go? I mean I fool myself into thinking I have and then my mind keeps popping up all these thoughts that show me that I really am not…in a way they numb me and make it harder to enjoy life. As soon as I am not with him its like there is something missing that I wish gone but next to me at the same time.

The bittersweet truth is that I have let go in a way. Or rather I think university or life outside the bubble of a school hardens you when it comes to matters of love. You learn to be protective of yours, not fool urself with the romantic fantasies and the naivety of a teenager. I am 20 this year for gods sake. I learned to store this painful love away under lock and heavy furniture somewhere in a corner of my heart where the sun doesn’t shine..hoping that one day it will either evaporate into nothingness or be the seed of something beautiful and forever..except that experience shouts loud and clear that it is as possible as mermaids and unicorns..

It’s all well and done until you are faced with the person. Sure, sometimes it is truly all fun and games and you are emotionally detached and it works, on the surface and inside you. Then suddenly its like you stumble upon that old box in the attic, the one that is always in the corner of your eye but you learned to ignore..and you are violently thrown back into a stupid nostalgic mode, against all self-consideration, and instead of acceptance all you have is a head full of questions, why does it not work? why can’t things be simpler? why can someone that seems so wrong also seem so right? why does it seem like you are so right for each other but still so obviously not??

Sometimes I wish I could surgically remove that “thing” that “reason” that stops it from working, but then there is the bigger question: would the person still be the person they are? Is it maybe such an intrinzic part of them that it would be changing their essence? I don’t know. I really don’t know.

All this is so rediculously energy draining. I think the current situation is good enough (knowing myself as quite the human cameleont, adapting to any situation my life throws at me without much hesitation, there is simply no other way to see it for me) Fun times and the kind of closeness that a person like me is very unused to, the closeness not the fun hehe. If I can just detach myself enough to stop comparing myself to ppl and appriciate what I do have it would be perfectly fine. I have a good friend that cares about me, that I need and care about, and that I think needs me too. However many times I have planned to cut all contact, seems logical though right? To avoid any more pain? But it just seems less and less possible as times goes by : P I am a masochist in that way.

right enough overanalyzing for now. this topic has been so overanalyzed its silly. back to life.

(phew. it does feel a bit better now actually)

here I am, all examined and free and excited and scared…

yes since last time i wrote I have finished my exams, been clubbing to celebrate at an Indie night in Audio - Brighton (lots of posers but some cool music) and had to hide convicts/hobo’s at my house (olli and farley needed somewhere to crash for the night).

today has been calm except for a stressful bit where i realized i nearly missed my student accomidation application deadline for University College London (where im looking to do International Linguistics next year) but PHEW i didnt so i filled it out and dad posted it today…that was a close one!

there are quite a few things ahead. like kims other half luke’s 18th surprise party, my first ever surprise party in Lewes, never been there either..should be a laugh. then there is jonny’s live rehearsal, kind of a mini gig thing, which is cool cos i will miss their real first ever gig sinse im in Sweden partying my brains out the date its on…then there is ofcourse olli’s brothers 21st which has an Oscar party theme to it…no pressure gals, ony red carpets clothes :/ geez … should be quite glam and fab, i do love champaigne, and i can pretend im angelina or something..(bah.)

then there is the inevitable results day the 5th of july which will determine quite radically my future..although even if i dont get the points for UCL i will fight to get that offer anyway…i want to go to UCL, be a London student and do that 4 year (1 year abroad) linguistics course! so wish me luck!!!

my latest addiction - nip/tuck(dvd season1) has been rudely abrupted by the end of the last disc…no more disturbingly perfect drama! what to do?? im gonna try and catch the oc today..im hoping for the miracle that would be that i didnt miss my last chance to see the season finalle…plz tell me i havent! PLZ!

oh dear im pathetic.

here u go the freak in nip/tuck that looks like michael jackson.ive kind of warmed to him now

and here, much beter male specimen, my candy monster of a boyfriend (check out the green toungue )

that is it.that is what me, kaowen, farley, ollie, ari and chris are going to spend about 90% of our money on. in europe.when we go there.in june. Cant fecking wait!!!

i have to say the two main things in my head at the moment are

1) these exams that need to come and go the fuck away as quickly and painlessly as ever possible! two weeks left and they seem to drag on for eternity…but then my exams go on for like a month, really nicely spread out so that my last one is May 23rd…damn that spanish paper!

2)eurotrippin’ baby! look out turkey, italy, greece, croatia, hungary and the czheck republic..geh…HERE WE COME! - i know its a clishe, yes we finish high school , out into the big wide world, but first we need that break of all fun and play and nothin to worry about except where to sleep for the night, and even that is not that big of a deal, we are all flexible and not very picky

ofcourse there are the are little details on the way, like what to wear for the May Ball or looking forward to going to Thorpe Park and ofcourse SWEDEN which is going to be blessed with my visit around the 9th all should be fun

i really need summer to come, im going to white! its not healthy or natural! im halfcuban for gods sake! im meant to be nice and toasty yes if i dont get some sun soon i shall dissapear..

now look at these white and pasty yound males lol

hehe if the guys do that i shall take photo’s dont you worry!muhahahaha

and this is just too cute..

yes the name just says it all. im in no mature mood today.

although i really should be. i actually have tried to pull my act together and wrote a plan to finish most of my art until easter holidays in two weeks! stress.stress.stress. : S

geh.what can you do.you chose IB now live with it and shut up.

right on a happier note was in The Melonheads’s rehearsal after school today and it sounded very good. so yeah everyone has to make it the 23rd of march in the Under @ ardingly! hehe. all they are doing are covers for a charity cause but it sounds awesome i tell ya. like bodyrockers - i like the way you move (lol!); t-rex - 20th century boy; green day - holiday etc. should be so much fun that should be a great end of term for everyone…

…although that is not going to be my end of term concert..mine is Feeder in Brighton town oh yeah me and Kaowen are breaking it down in B-ton and rocking to the summery tunes of the Feeder boyz in this cold cold march…seriously the winds are arctic! brrrrr.

i have to give a mention to Maria that awesome girl who’s blog rocks, and im sorry for all you non-swedish speakers you are missing out but there are some pics you can enjoy so im putting her adress in my links - i mean thats the least i can do sinse she put my blog in hers we should so meet somewhere in europe for a drink or two… my friends are a laugh im sure you’ll like them and i would love to meet you again after so long

right fellas not that long this time.things to do im afraid. but don’t worry ill be back …muhahahahaha ):)

so the only thing left is the obligatory random picture..what will it be this time i hear you think….

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i realized that i havent had a proper me pic.i mean its all about me.yes me me me me…

so here we go Miss Vain…

i dont know. in the strangest mood at the moment.

had to read this powerful greek womans part, chlatemiestra in a greek tragedy we were reading in english today. was surreal. how different their world must have looked like.wonder if the greeks really were that exciting as all their legeneds and stories say. maybe they actually just sat on the sofa, or the equivalent of the time, and watched..hmm..i dont know…some perve watched the milkmaid milking the cows maybe,the wife probably that fit son next door with glittering swet in the sun making his bow for hunting…mmm..or maybe the other way around… i mean the olymic games? lots of naked me running around? sounds very YMCA to me….(now all lift those hands!)

ah.

went barhopping on friday.saw some cool places, some funny dancing, drunk dj’s and cheeky henna parties…i reckon santa fe and the black lion, thats were you wanna hang out on a fri/sat evening.yes.yes indeed.

saw a very random french cartoon around 0.00 on bbc three last night. it was really beautiful.in a very sinister kindofway.very burtonlike in its dark feel.for ppl that know me this will sound familiar or just for other fellow burton fans. that crow black hair.

anyways.

it was called The Phantom Inventory in english. L’inventaire fantôme.now that sounded better . appereantly it appeared in London Film Festival this year. I looove film/shortfilm festivals.i remember the Uppsala Shortfilm Festival that used to brighten up the dark october nights for me.those films are often so cool and original or just strange…or crap! but still its some1s personal work of art and it is a very special feeling watching them. i miss it. i cant wait to live in london next year and go to all these things because unfortunately where I live these things are sparse if not dry as sahara. i mean the cure were from here. that explains 1.why they are so depressed. 2. why they never came back and rarely talk about it.its shit basically.

meh.enough about me. how are you?

here is a cool pic i stumbled across once…

and here is the old man in L’inventaire fantôme that collected old memories no1 wanted anymore…

right there pooheads!

i am ashamed i havent written anything for almost 2 months! well i have been busy

mostly school but there was of course the strokes concert which rocked! fuck they are good! love them! rock’n'fuck baby

then we also experienced the chineese new year in China…..town….London…hehe it was fun ,ahhh noodles… there was a dragon running around eating lettice..otherwise it was like always..lots of ppl…here is one of them..

a nice lad…;)

now that it is halfterm there has been some more jolly times.

last friday was cool. went to kims bf’s best friends party. haha i got connections alright! it was situated in a bar in bton. the dj played downstairs where it got crammed, and he was sooo bad!! but it just made it all so much funnier.. wendy bendy & clare also came. this random indian guy appereantly wanted to do me , I decided to use this situation and got a free drink im such a slut

since then i have had a wonderfull valentines day! i was spoiled rotten by my p.m.b. yellow roses, amelie soundtrack & the lovely old sea life centre were we met the crew from Finding Nemo! yes all of them! they are so cool, what a gang..need to invite them over some day..here i took some pics for u to enjoy (or rather me to enjoy on a rainy day )

right well this shall sufice for now i need to go watch desperate housewifes…

adios amigos!

Hello there! (said in a ‘father ted’- irish accent)

A lot going down peeps and lovers ; P

Lat weekend was happening ! oh yeah it was Kim’s 18th and it was a rather special one it was a Casion Night! Yes thats right Las Vegas eat ur heart out ! hehe it was so much fun. Great people and enough booze but not too much and then dancing. and kim knows her music ! yeah i was stuck on the roulette, black jack didnt do it for me. i prefer jack black oooh yeeee..fuck im sad…

here is a cute one of the bday girl me and sir scafidi lol

This week is halfway done, geh, there has been some rather chilly days but sometimes the sun shone through and made our days

Right this weekend is a fatty, not bragging or anything! There is Rachels Birthday dinner thing that shall be good clean girly fun hehe and then the chinese new year celebration that im joining in chinatown london on sunday! never done that before so should be very exciting i hope i see lots of dragons and funny drunk chinese people lol there is a lot of expectation! and then we have of course the fact that im meeting jonny’s band who are all bringing their respective groupies to this thing in london. one of the bands. the one i haven’t met. ah. i need to get with it you see, i need to keep a watchful eye so that they don’t think they can snap that piece of hot lovin away from me hehehehe. ahem.

what about the STROKES! yes those beautiful creatures that make great music as well. and they are from new york. *drooooooool*. yes they are worth every penny baby and im going to go see them with my friend kimbo boo soon and I can not wait, its in Brighton town and we are SOOO getting into the backstage area…mmmm… so everyone be JEALOUS! hahaha. great stuff.

hmm.what else.desperate housewifes tonight. yes that fantasticly dissfunctional suburbia under a stunningly beautiful surface…what do we really know about our neighbours…? now thats a hard nut to crack! :S

in honour of the beautiful ppl of The Strokes, i have an awesomely cute pic of the drummer (shared nr one with julian, the fittest in the band) and his adorable gf drew barrymore. (its ok drew u can have him because you are just lovely and seem so nice, i would love to just have a starbucks with you…oh Fabrizio is away? eh never mind then…)